two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
