Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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