I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
