im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
