Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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