i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
