He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you had me at cake vodka
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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