White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
