There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
