i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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