The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
