Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i love accidental penises.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
