What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
