You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
