Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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