u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
