2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We're facebook friends in real life
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
