I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
