were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
