So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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