Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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