Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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