moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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