he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want to make out with him forever
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
