Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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