You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
