You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
