I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
