He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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