also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
