Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
