Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
false alarm. still invincible.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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