Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
