I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
