There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so let's talk penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
