I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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