a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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