Swine flu. Run for my life!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His hands were made for my vagina.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
