Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
