I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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