I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
