So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
