I have demons in me.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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