I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
