life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
