smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
