Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
