I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
