Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
