The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
