so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
