I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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