That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
